Springs Series: What You Need to Know about the Enneagram Six | Sonja Scott

podcast spring series type 6 May 29, 2023

Have you found yourself saying things like?

"Am I ready for a potential emergency?"
"Do I fit in?"
"I don't feel safe."
"What am I supposed to do?"

If these aren’t something you would say, are these familiar phrases you hear from a loved one?

If so, you might be a Six or you know an Enneagram Six.

I invite you to join me on a journey of self-discovery and compassion to gain insights about the personality type who might be known as the loyalist, the security seeker, the questioner, and the courage advocate.

And, if you know a Six or want others to know more about the Six personality Type, go ahead and follow that prompting to share this podcast with them. Just use this podcast platform’s share feature so this episode can give others an opportunity to learn more about the qualities of the Enneagram Six.

[0:58] Welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast!

[2:31] What do you need to know about Enneagram Six?

Well, friend, we would need way more than the time you want to give in one sitting because the nuances of each Enneagram Type are as varied as there are creatures in the vast ocean, but this episode will offer some highlights to help you understand more about the perspective of a Six.

As we dive in, I want you to know that if you want more Enneagram or specific Enneagram Six resources, I’ve got you covered! You can head to the Show Notes for podcast recommendations and so much more.

I will share some unique traits and insights into this fascinating personality in this episode. Then, you’ll get a first-hand account of an Enneagram Six and her experience in the self-discovery and wholehearted process. Last, I want you to listen to the end because the insightful Deanna Sudom will finish this episode with a scripture and prayer specifically for you or your loved one!

[3:37] What does Enneagram Six look like as a child?

Friendly
Propensity to anticipate danger
Can be very dependable and reliable
Counter-phobic Sixes question authority

Many Enneagram Six children search and look for security in their caregivers and established authorities in their life. Of course, as often happens in this fallen world, the Six children may face experiences ranging from a string of unpredictable circumstances to traumatic events confirming their worst fears and habit of attention to plan for the worst case scenario. Their phobic lens may cause them to filter phrases like “Look out! or “That doesn’t sound like a good plan,” or “How do you know you are safe?” as confirmation that they are unable to make good decisions, and therefore, cause overly dependent on others for advice and direction.

[5:05] What are some characteristics of Sixes?

Sixes are motivated by their need for security. It’s important to know that every Six both experiences the phobic and counter-phobic patterns of behavior. Phobic Sixes are outwardly fearful, and most Sixes stay in this lane. Counterphobic Sixes confront their fear. Both seek approval and are often afraid yet face their fears inside or outside. As Six continues to mature, Sixes fear not having support or guidance from their loved ones. This can lead to low self-confidence, constant worrying, and hyper-vigilance. Indecision and fear of failure can lead to procrastination.

[6:08] What strengths do the Enneagram Sixes have?

The Six's decision-making strength associates them with what is known as the Head Triad (Types 5, 6, and 7). They filter information through their thoughts first before deciding how to react or what emotions are involved. A Type in the Head Triad will be led by their automatic reaction to their emotional struggle, which is anxiety. Another commonality of this Triad is the desire for security.

[6:39] How do Sixes deal with conflict and tension?

The Six's anxiety may be unpredictable and inconsistent. Remember my side note on the phobic vs. counter-phobic? In an effort to feel secure, the Six's anxiety is often rooted in relationships or they’re looking to find it in relationships. They may desire closeness for reassurance and then push away when they feel smothered or overwhelmed, when their fears of abandonment and mistrust build, their anxiety and blame others for their relationships. Stuck in self-doubt and anxiety, their worst fears are realized due to the insecurity they were trying to avoid.

[7:30] What is the Six’s communication style?

The Six’s communication preference falls within the Dutiful stance in the Enneagram, which means they rely more on others' opinions and desires. They come alongside the ideas/visions of others or group-thinking for resolution. Their strength is being present-focused. They tend to think, “What should be done right now?” because of this, they tend to hyper focus on the circumstances surrounding them, leading them to feel overwhelmed and halt future plans. Their focus on the worst-case scenario and the need to plan accordingly often cause them not to take the next step toward their personal needs, wants, and desires.

[8:15] How does a Six feel?

When understanding the Six’s repression center, they fall into the category of Thinking repression (like Type 1 and 2). You spend your time thinking about managing potential scenarios, which often results in fear and anxiety about the future. It's not productive thinking because often, what you think and plan for, doesn't actually happen. When you are counter-phobic, you don't spend much time thinking, and you are more reactive to uncertain or unstable situations. What triggers the Six are the things that challenge your ideas of safety, those you love, and personal self-confidence.

The Six must be cognizant of their tendency to believe that if they are not confident that they are 100% safe or in a stable environment, they are in danger or it’s wildly unstable. The invitation is to share and have the courage to step into unknowns, believing they will have what they’ll need. When you are tempted to give into fear, pause and consider if you are genuinely in danger. Most things require courage; it’s okay if you aren’t confident yet; say no to the fear and step into boldness. Here’s a bonus for my Six friends. 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

[10:08] How do Sixes deal with grief and loss?

When faced with loss and grief, the Six may naturally grieve what is happening in the present or what is happening currently, so in the face of loss, they may be overwhelmed with grief and have a challenging time with the typical demands of life, especially making plans too far in the future. It’s essential to be patient with your grieving process as much as it is for others to understand that we each grieve uniquely in our own timeframe.

[10:39] What are the wings for an Enneagram 6?

Like all Enneagram Types, the Six’s wings are on either side of its number on the diagram. The Enneagram 6w5, this unique combination, tends to struggle with their conflicting desires, the Type 6 wanting to band together and the Type 5 looking to detach. A 6w5, tends to be more vigilant for potential adversaries but a mindful voice for the underdogs. The 6w7 combination tends to blend well, as both types are more sociable and enjoy finding new connections. Even though this type tends to be more anxious, they are warm and engaging, a friend who looks out for problems but also wants fun.

[11:33] What traits does an 6 take on when triggered and on the flip side, when they are practicing rhythms of stillness?

When a Six triggers are activated, they may self-sabotage and engage the low side of the Three by becoming competitive and arrogant. They avoid being anxious by being busy and resisting trying anything new if failure is possible. This constant motion and standoffish presence can give mixed messages to their close circle of people, cutting them off from the security they desire in a relationship.

[12:09] What happens when an Enneagram 6 consents to stillness?

When a Six practices rhythms of engaging in silence, Silence helps them learn how to attune to God's voice, which is not always easy to recognize. This will open the door to encounter Jesus, the True Loyalist. Their broken-hearted moments are transformed into wholehearted healing as they declare these truth statements:

May I acknowledge and release my fears to a trustworthy God.

May I receive the courage that is offered to me at this moment.
May I embrace the faith to believe in the best possible scenario.

When the constant noise from the worst-case scenario threatens to drown out peace, place your trust in what is True. ⁠Move your heart to reflective gratitude for all the ways He has come through for you. ⁠When you engage in Silence, you discover your courage found in Christ.

[13:08] How can a Six observe spiritual rhythms?

I love that AJ Sherril advises Enneagram Sixes to utilize the discipline of Scripture memory in their spiritual rhythms. When disappointment and fears feel insurmountable, the Word of the Lord can be a safe refuge. The season of the church calendar to pay special attention to is Advent. Advent is the reminder that Light is coming, and we won’t have to stay in darkness - but also acknowledges living between the here and not yet. Advent provides hope that whatever happens - God’s sovereign purposes prevail.

[13:45] Here are three tips for an Enneagram 6 to remember!

In addition to spiritual rhythms, here are practical tips for a Six to remember.

Practice declaring statements that shift your focus from glass half-empty to glass half-full. Even if it’s not 100% positive - call to mind what is good at this moment or went better than expected.
Trust your decision-making skills. While you seek advice and counsel, limit your circle of gurus and then believe that the Lord gave you the capability to make great decisions.
Give yourself time to discern if your concern is actual insight or just projection. A good rule of thumb is insight is not tied to emotion - so if the emotions are high, take a little longer to discern what is true.

Let me introduce an Enneagram 6, my client, Sonja Scott. We have recently met on Zoom, but we have been connected with each other for years through Voxer.

[15:22] Sonja Scott shares insightful and helpful realizations throughout her journey:

She was introduced to the Enneagram eight years ago while living in Missouri. She had a four year old and an infant while living in a city with no family. The Enneagram came up in a passing conversation, but it crossed her mind over the years.
She constantly would ask herself “Who am I? What do I have to offer the world? Am I just broken beyond repair? What is my identity and purpose?”
She looked for Enneagram books and found The Road Back To You. She felt the person she had become was just a defense mechanism than what he oridinally intended when creating her personality.
The book for her was like someone taking her gently by the hand to guide her down the path of self-revelation. She felt seen, known, and loved. She was able to see herself for the first time. Even in the most challenging representations of her type, she was there!
She started her deep dive into podcasts, books, and summits for the Enneagram.
Her husband and daughters were intrigued and saw how the Enneagram would light her up.
She wanted guidance about how to be her most healthy self as a Six. She felt overwhelmed by worst case scenarios when her daughters returned to school post-COVID. This is a trademark challenge of a Six. She learned about Amy’s DIY Coaching package, and each session challenged her to lean into Christ more and to know herself in a more deep and compassionate way.
Sonja experienced a better relationship with herself and an intimacy with Christ she had never known before.
Her background in family and marriage therapy caused her to yearn for a way to help others again. It was evident that becoming a coach was the answer! Each step has been wrought with second guessing and inadequacy, but working with Amy has brought encouragement and opportunities to thrust her into action!
She has learned that she experiences moments as a counterphobic Six, but instead of retreating from concerns, she responds with a YES!
Her daughters and husband encouraged her to “find her passion and jump in with both feet.”
She has learned to run towards the fear and trust God in the process. The Enneagram has become a tool to bless her marriage, mothering, and relationships.
Her coaching business is called I Am Enne-Enough. I am enough for all that God has called me to and created me to do. He has blessed me with a unique lens through which I see and embrace the world. While that is not perfect or complete, it is just what I need to be enough.

[22:13] Deanna Sudom closes the episode with a heartfelt prayer.

Type 6 friend, this is Deanna Sudom You have been created to reflect the Faithfulness of God. Sometimes referred to as the Loyal Guardian, you have a fierce loyalty with others once you have established trust and will be faithful until the end once that is reciprocated. I sense this is the quality of God that He wants you to know about Him. He will be faithful to the end with you, when all other people might let you down, He never will. I have two portions of Scripture to remind you in Whom to put your trust. Psalm 56:4 NIV “In God, whose word I praise – in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Father, thank you for these hardworking, committed, and brave ones. Send them people that will reciprocate their loyalty and commitment, ones that are trustworthy and safe places for them to voice their concerns and have a place of security. Thank you for how you have formed them in your likeness and made them uniquely able to spot potential problems before they even develop. Lord, reassure these problem-solvers, that this is who you are for them. We are grateful for their desire for justice and the ability to walk in your law with respect for rules and authorities. Lord, help them when fears and anxiety arises to pause and try to understand what the root of these reactions are. Show them how to interrupt these patterns of thinking that spiral them to insecurity, to be able to take these thoughts captive unto you. Give them strength to confront their fears. Clear their vision, Lord, to see things as they really are. God, thank you for the influence these responsible Type 6’s have in this world and in systems and bringing order. Let them be aware of how their mood can affect others and how their perception of the way they are being seen can be skewed in this, but how you are not a God of confusion, but of peace. Give them a sense of your presence in the midst of their struggles.

Thank you for their quick-witted sense of humor. And how you use this as well for them to create community and change. Lord, we ask for the mind of Christ over them so that they are aligned with you in thought and words. Will you use their gifts for the benefit of others and to the glory of Your name? I pray these things in the precious name of Jesus. Amen.

Amen! If you are an Enneagram Six, I hope you feel affirmed, valued, and championed by this episode. I’m guessing if you know a Six, they will appreciate that you’ve taken the time to learn more about how they view the world the way they do and that they are so much more than a number! Share this episode with them and a message about the loyalty and security they add to your life but most of all, you love them for just being who they are!

The best is yet to come,

Episodes about the Enneagram Sixes:

Springs Series: What You Need to Know about the Enneagram Six | Sonja Scott

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