Springs Series: What You Need to Know about the Enneagram Five | Kristen Yeh

enneagram five podcast spring series May 22, 2023

Listen To: Springs Series: What You Need to Know about the Enneagram Five

Have you found yourself saying things like:

"How can I get out of that dinner party?"
"I wish I could formulate my answer faster."
"Ugh, not another meeting!"
“I need a lot of alone time to recharge”.

If these aren’t something you would say, are these familiar phrases you hear from a loved one?

If so, you might be a Five or know an Enneagram Five.

I'd love to invite you to join me on a journey of self-discovery and compassion to learn insights about the personality type who might be known as the investigator, the answer seeker, the researcher, and the knowledge advocate.

And, if you know a Five or want others to know more about the Five personality Type, go ahead and follow that prompting to share this podcast with them. Just use this podcast platform’s share feature so this episode can give others an opportunity to learn more about the fascinating knowledge about Enneagram Five.

[1:05] Welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast!

[2:38] What do you need to know about Enneagram Five?

Well, friend, we would need way more than the time you want to give in one sitting because the nuances of each Enneagram Type are as varied as there are options of books to read at the local library, but this episode will offer some highlights to help you understand more about the perspective of a Five.

As we dive in, I want you to know that if you want more Enneagram or specific Enneagram Five resources, I’ve got you covered! You can head to the show notes for podcast recommendations and so much more.

In this episode, I will share some unique traits and insights into this fascinating personality. Then, you’ll get a first-hand account of Enneagram Five and her experience in the self-discovery and wholehearted process. Last, I want you to listen to the end because the insightful Deanna Sudom (who leans heavily into her Five Wing) will finish this episode with a scripture and prayer specifically for you or your loved one!

[3:54] What does Enneagram Five look like as a child?

Independent
Avoid interpersonal conflict
Bright and curious
Detached information gatherers

Many Enneagram Five children may be among the most misunderstood or misinterpreted Types because their complex self-containment may have often diminished the receptivity and expression of love between themselves and their caregivers. While they didn’t naturally need much attention compared to their siblings or peers, they may have missed the opportunity to communicate their God-given human need or desire for affection. A seeming lack of neediness and oversight may have fueled Type 5 children’s disconnect from both parents. This in turn triggered their struggle with greed as they tried to get what little attachment or scraps seemed available to them.

[5:24] What are some characteristics of Fives?

Fives are motivated to be seen as capable and competent. They desire to master a body of knowledge and skill, preferably in isolation. This is done to reduce their need to be helped by others. As a Five continues to mature, they fear having an obligation, being intruded on, ignorant, overwhelmed, or dependent. They struggle to succinctly express their thoughts and knowledge because they often have so much to share or fear that others will deem them insufficient.

[6:13] What strengths do the Enneagram Fives have?

The Five's decision-making strength associates them with what is known as the Head Triad (Types 5, 6, and 7). They filter information through their thoughts first before deciding how to react or what emotions are involved. A Type in the Head Triad will be led by their automatic reaction to their emotional struggle, which is anxiety. Another commonality of this Triad is the desire for security.

[6:45] How do Fives deal with conflict and tension?

The Five's anxiety can be confusing to themselves and others. They are likely to withdraw and get quiet or become expressive in their anger if they feel pressed to give an answer they don't feel confident about. The Five's anxiety is often rooted in the ability to have the answer. They may come across as intellectually arrogant to keep up appearances or will isolate to gather information. When their fears of lacking knowledge are exasperated, their anxiety increases, and they blame others for depleting them or interfering with their research process. They may inadvertently cut relationships off due to their need to process and recharge privately.

[7:38] What is the Five’s communication style?

The Five’s communication preference falls within the Withdrawing stance in the Enneagram, which means their strength is being mindful of the past. They tend to think, “What should I have done differently? This can cause a downward spiral of anxiety and endless information gathering. Their fear of rejection can create a pattern of escape (it feels safe to reject others first), often causing them to miss what is in the present.

[8:07] How does a Five feel?

When understanding the Five’s repression center, they fall into the category of doing repression. You plan to do many things but use up almost all your energy in the planning. You are driven to find the answer but not as driven for production. You are not often aware of how much time you plan to do something instead of actually doing something. What triggers you is that you wake up knowing you have limited energy, yet there is always a demand for your attention, knowledge, and resources.

The Fives must be cognizant of their tendency to believe that they are ignorant or incapable if they don’t have 100% mastery of a skill or knowledge. The invitation is to share the knowledge or skill they have acquired so far, even if there is more to learn. This helps the Five engage with others or instruct with humility and a teachable spirit.

[9:23] How do Fives deal with grief and loss?

When faced with loss and grief, the Five may naturally grieve what happened in the past, so in the face of loss, they may experience delayed grief, but when they have space and time to reflect, they may be surprised or catch others off guard by expressing grief over something that happened months or year ago. Because a Five is not inclined to outwardly emote, an excellent way to express you care to affirm the Five in their expression of grief.

[10:05] What are the wings for an Enneagram 5?

Like all Enneagram Types, the Five’s wings are on either side of its number on the diagram. The Enneagram 5w4 this combination has the fantastic ability to pull things apart and then conceptualize new ways to look at them from a creative viewpoint. In general, they tend to be more creative, humanistic, sensitive, and empathetic. The Enneagram 5w6 thrives on dissecting and analyzing problems, making their superpower combination solution finders through research and intellect. They are generally more extroverted, loyal, anxious, skeptical, and cautious.

[10:50] What traits does an 5 take on when triggered and on the flip side, when they are practicing rhythms of stillness?

When a Five’s triggers are activated, they may self-sabotage and engage the low side of the Seven, becoming hyperactive and scattered. They impulsively take on new projects and tend to become unfocused and distracted. Ultimately, this creates greater frustration with themselves because they take great pride in their focused plans. This will lead to disconnecting even more from their external world.

[11:28] What happens when an Enneagram 5 consents to stillness?

When a Five practices rhythms of consenting in silence, Silence teaches the Five to listen. It helps them learn how to attune to the voice of God, a voice that is not always easy to recognize - and opens the door to encounter, Jesus, the True Investigator. Their broken-hearted moments are transformed into wholehearted healing as they declare these truth statements:

May I welcome this present moment regardless of what I have or don’t have.
May I receive the gift of silence resting my mind.
May I let go of my need to know and desire for self-sufficiency.

⁠Rest from your need to find all the answers. Connect to the One who holds all Truth and is the source of wisdom.⁠

When you rest from the need to find the answers, you rely on the Source of all Wisdom. Consenting to silence allows you to embrace mystery and quiet the distracting mental noise you've created as a way to avoid your fear of not finding a solution.

[12:43] How can a Five observe spiritual rhythms?

I love that AJ Sherril advises Enneagram Fives to observe rhythms of serving with their whole selves, specifically their hands and body, not just their mind. The day of the church calendar to pay special attention to is Christmastide. These days are marked not only by the celebration of the arrival of our Messiah, but also by the tradition of giving. Twelve days of Christmas festivities and the call to extravagant giving are both upstream practices for the Five.

[13:18] Here are three tips for an Enneagram 5 to remember!

In addition to spiritual rhythms, here are practical tips for a Five to remember.

Allow yourself to identify and voice your needs to others.
Practice expressing and sharing your feelings during times of conversation within a trusted circle. Even if it’s a mundane emotion, purpose to connect your experience with or to emotion.
Say yes often - say yes to the coffee date, the spontaneous dinner out, or the group gathering this next weekend. While retreating can help you recharge your appetite for withdrawing only grows as you shrink your appetite for external connection. Something to ponder!

[14:11] Let me introduce an Enneagram 5, my client, Kristen Yeh.

Want to meet an Enneagram Five? I think sometimes Fives are the toughest to get on this podcast, so I’m thrilled to introduce one of my mentorship coaches, Kristen Yeh. I’m so grateful for her trust and even more thankful she is willing to share some of her story with you. I feel like she’s given you, the listener, an opportunity to go with her on the wholehearted journey - and I love her revelation about seeing Technicolor, too!

[14:43] Kristen Yeh shares insightful and helpful realizations throughout her journey:

She heard about the Enneagram through a Facebook post, and as a naturally curious person, she did some research. She read The Road Back to You. She originally tested as a Type 1, but she felt like she did not resonate with it.
The Enneagram gave her language to understand herself and others in a way she never had before. She began to see God had created her in a unique and special way. She could celebrate the parts of her personality that were different than others because she was created by a generous God who does not make mistakes.
As a ferocious learner, she continually wants to know more about things that interest her. She is seldom bored as there is often so much to learn through podcasts and books! Her brain never stops thinking.
She makes connections between things she has learned and current situations. She is content to sit back and listen during social interactions. She does not want to be the center of attention. She has a lower level of emotional energy than those around her, and her battery gets drained more quickly.
When things get hard and she's not living intentionally, she will withdraw. Whether that's physically leave or withdrawing in her mind.
Discovering all these parts of her in her 40's felt like a breath of fresh air. God has used the Enneagram to help her see her identity as a beloved child of God.
If you had asked her who she was apart from her roles as a mother, wife, sister, friend, etc., she would not have had an answer. But now because of the work through the Enneagram she is deeply rooted in Christ.
Becoming rooted in her true identity opened up something inside and she started experiencing God's kindness and love in a way she never had before. It felt tangible like a warm embrace from a Heavenly Father.
As she thought about becoming a coach, she decided to work with a coach first herself. Working with Amy helped her see blindspots, defense mechanisms, and lies she had believed ever since childhood. It always came back to the truth of the Gospel. There was a difference between knowing her identity in Christ in her head versus living it out wholeheartedly: mind, body, and spirit.
She found freedom, security, and identity in Christ that fills her with gratitude and peace. As she looks back at her journey, she is humbled by the transformation that God has done and continues to do!
Getting out of her head and into her gut and emotions opened up more ways for her to know and experience the love, care, kindness, and tenderness of her Savior.
Learning vulnerability has been a huge part of her growth journey. It was a foreign concept to her. It takes courage every time she puts herself out there emotionally.
Her biggest changes have been in her relationships. She has applied what she's learned with her husband of 23 years and her four boys ranging in ages from 19-12. Before doing this work, she was often critical and judgmental. She would get frustrated when they couldn't see things her way! Recognizing the unique ways others see the world has given her vision in technicolor! She has been able to give grace, empathy, learn how to respond instead of react, listen instead of lecture, and ask questions to connect on a deeper level.
Her wholehearted journey continues to be a journey of identity, integration, and healing. It is a lifelong journey of intimacy with Christ.
She launched her coaching business in December 2022, Thrive Enneagram Coaching. She is truly honored to be a part of the wholehearted journey with others as a coach. Lean into Him, grounded in the truth of the Gospel, and live as His Beloved.

[23:26] Deanna Sudom closes the episode with a heartfelt prayer.

Type 5 friend, this is Deanna Sudom – You have been created to reflect the wisdom of God. Thank you that through your desire to understand the world and your natural curiosity to dig deeper, you attain knowledge needed to impart God’s wisdom. Thank you for how you teach us from the great gatherings in your research.

I pray this word in 2 Corinthians 9:6-8 in the CSB version speaks deeply to your spirit “The point is this: reap generously. Each person should do as he has decided in his heart – not reluctantly or out of compulsion, since God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work.” I sensed that what feels the opposite to you by having hands wide open to share yourself and your knowledge, will be the very thing that will help set you free in knowing you are His beloved.

Lord, I pray that you will speak to any insecurities that may drive these precious 5’s in their quest for knowledge and understanding. Squelch the anxiety within and show them their beautiful value in contributing to this world. Lord, help them to take their thoughts captive into the obedience of Christ to interrupt the spiral of anxiousness. Father, will you expand their pursuit to not just be understanding but in having the thrill of experiencing what they learn as well. We pray for an integration of their inner and outer selves in a way that is not overwhelming, but gentle like your Presence and character is in drawing those you love.

Thank you, Father, for their astute powers of observation. Reassure them, Lord, that even the little mastery they have is enough in you, speak over their places of competency and capability that their needs are not a problem and you will heal any places in their hearts and spirit where lack has been the perception or reality.

Father, thank you for their gift of contentment in being alone with the ability to sit in silence. Thank you for attuning their ears to hear Your Voice and please God will you bring comfort that you will replenish their depleted resources and take care of their needs as you help them step into the healing places of fellowship with others and community that is safe for them to heal in. Let their security be in you, may the journey from their head to their heart be encapsulated in your truth and grace so that they can walk in assurance of your peace. In Jesus name.

Amen! If you are an Enneagram Five, I hope you feel understood, valued, and respected by this episode. I’m guessing if you know a Five, they will appreciate that you’ve taken the time to learn more about how they view the world the way they do and that they are so much more than a number! Share this episode with them and a message about how they add so much wisdom and steadiness in your life but most of all, you love them for just being who they are!

The best is yet to come,

Episodes about the Enneagram Fives:

Springs Series: What You Need to Know about the Enneagram Five | Kristen Yeh

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