Spring Series: What You Need to Know about the Enneagram Two! | Sarah Cronin

Have you found yourself saying things like:

"I hope my advice will really help them."

"What can I do to help them so they will like me?"

"I was too honest about what I needed and now I feel selfish." 

“It’s hard for me that they don’t need me anymore.”

If these aren’t something you would say, are these familiar phrases that you hear said by a loved one? 

If so, you might be Two or know an Enneagram Two. 

I would love to invite you to join me on a journey of self-discovery and compassion to learn insights about the personality type often known as the helper, the good-parent, nurturer, and the generosity advocate.

And, if you know a Two or want others to know more about the Two personality Type, go ahead and follow that prompting to share this podcast with them. Just use this podcast platform's share feature so this episode can give others an opportunity to learn more about the worth of the Enneagram Two. 

[1:06] Welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast!

[2:35] What do you need to know about Enneagram Two?

Well, friend, we would need way more than the time you want to give in one sitting because the nuances of each Enneagram Type are as varied as there are types of birds - I mean if you’ve ever played Wingspan, with or without the expansion packs, you know there are a lot of birds! But I will attempt to offer some highlights to help you understand more about the perspective of  Two. 

As we dive in, I want you to know that if you want more Enneagram or specific Enneagram Two resources, I’ve got you covered! You can head to the show notes for podcast recommendations and so much more. 

In this episode, I will share some unique traits and insights into what is known as dutiful personality. Then, you’ll get a first-hand account of Enneagram Two and her experience in the self-discovery and wholehearted process. Last, I want you to listen to the end because the wise Deanna Sudom will finish this episode with a Scripture and prayer specifically for you or your loved one!

[3:52] What does Enneagram Two look like as a child? 

• Outwardly compliant.
• Try to be popular with others.
• Very attuned or sensitive to disapproval.
• Please others or tend to use drama for attention.

Many Enneagram Twos identify with a childhood experience theme of being the nurturing one in the family and maybe even the caretaker of the parent. Unconsciously they received the message that it wasn't okay to do things that they wanted nor to have needs of their own, as the demands of others took precedence. They always felt they needed to be helpful, and would find security and acceptance from others (including their parents) if they fulfilled their supportive role. Sometimes this personality Type would seek autonomy from the protective parent feeling it was a rejection of their tender and nurturing personality. 

[4:59] What are some characteristics of Twos? 

The desire to get others to respond to them through helping evolves and grows as a Two continues to move through the world. Twos are motivated by their desire to be wanted and to vindicate their need to feel unselfish, generous, and helpful. Being generous and going out of their way for others make Twos feel that their way is the most vibrant, meaningful way to live. The love and concern they feel—and the genuine good they do— makes them feel worthwhile. But, this may be done with a manipulative intent to receive love or at the expense of their own needs.

[5:40] What strengths do the Enneagram Twos have?

 The Two's decision-making strength associates them with what is known as the Heart triad (Types 2, 3 and 4)- They feel information first and incorporate reaction or thinking secondarily and another commonality of the Heart Triad is the desire for significance. A Type in the Heart Triad will be led by their reaction to their emotional struggle, which is shame. 

[6:09] How do Twos deal with conflict and tension?

While the Two's struggle is with shame, this is tied to their desire for significance from being needed and wanted, so in an effort to avoid their feelings of shame, the Two focuses on others by being a helpful and caring person to avoid anxiety and anger. But when love fails to be returned, and their efforts are maxed, they will get caught in the frenzy of manipulation, perpetuating the emotional loop of shame, anger, and anxiety. 

[6:40] What is the Two’s communication style?

The Two’s communication preference falls within the Dutiful stance in the Enneagram, which means they rely more on others' opinions and desires. They come alongside the ideas/visions of others or group thinking for resolution. Their strength is being present-focused. They tend to think, “What should be done right now?” This Stance may struggle most with the boundaries needed in relationships and the workplace. 

[7:13] How does a Two think?

When it comes to thinking, you might be surprised to learn that the Two is thinking repressed because their constant thinking loop revolves around relationships. Similar to the Type One this is unproductive thinking because the amount of time you spend thinking about relationships hinders your focus, what you need to do next, and can distract you from the people you are with at the moment. What often triggers you is the constant need for help- from your kid’s, neighbor, friend, church, spouse, family - everyone, everything, everywhere seems to demand more from you.

The Two must be cognizant of their tendency believe if they are not front and center helping or not the first one needed then they are unwanted and unloved - be willing to live in the middle space of just being emotionally available and supportive even if there are not physical demands or you’re not the primary nurturer.

[8:56] How do Twos deal with grief and loss?

When faced with loss and grief, the Two may naturally grieve what is happening in the present, or what is happening currently, so in the face of loss, they may be overwhelmed with grief and have a challenging time with the typical demands of life, especially making plans too far in the future.

[9:12] What are the wings for an Enneagram 2?

Like all Enneagram Types, the Two’s wings are on either side of its number on the diagram or another way to think of it is wings, just like on a butterfly! The Enneagram 2w1 They tend to be more idealistic, reasonable, objective, self-critical, quietly serving, and judgmental. The Enneagram 2w3. They tend to be more self-assured, charming, a flatterer , ambitious, outgoing, and competitive.

[9:45] What traits does an 2 take on when triggered and on the flip side, when they are practicing rhythms of stillness?

When a Two’s triggers are activated, they may self-sabotage and engage the low side of the Eight, blaming others for problems while seeing their intentions as only good.. Helpful Twos suddenly become irritable, defensive, controlling, aggressive, demanding, and dominating.which may inadvertently cut off good relationships.

[10:17] What happens when an Enneagram 2 consents to stillness?

When an Two practices rhythms of consenting to solitude the practice teaches you to be present - to yourself, God, and others. Consent is an active agreement - how you will give or posture yourself. Instead of giving yourself to everyone else, you posture yourself towards God. - and opens the door to encounter Jesus, the True Servant. 

Their broken-hearted moments are transformed into wholehearted healing as they declare these truth statements:

• May I offer love without strings attached.

• May I receive unconditional love.

• May I love myself by tending to my needs. 

 When a Two intentionally engages in rhythms of consent to solitude, they agree to get alone to stop pleasing everybody. They can withdraw to solitude to be present to God rather than please God. This opens the space to be filled with God’s delight that they crave.

[11:16] How can a Two observe spiritual rhythms?

I love that AJ Sherril advises Enneagram Twos to observe the church calendar rhythm of Maundy Thursday. Maundy is derived from the Latin mandatum, which means command. Because the command that Jesus gave during the last supper was to love one another, after He demonstrated this by washing the disciples feet. You may remember that in the Gospel accounts Peter resisted this act of service. So a Two may resist receiving and are more comfortable with their autopilot habits of serving. 

[11:50] Here are three tips for an Enneagram 1 to remember!

In addition to spiritual rhythms, here are practical tips for a Two to remember. 

• Now don’t laugh, but spending time alone is not just a spiritual rhythm it is a game-changer for a 2 to spend time alone - some coaches would strongly encourage a full hour alone. 
• Check in on a daily basis and ask yourself, what do I need at this time? And if you have unmet needs, how can you invite others in to support you? 
• Practice honesty and humility by examining ways you might be giving in order to get something in return. Even if it’s intangibles like relationships or a feeling of being wanted/needed.

[12:46] Let me introduce an Enneagram 2, my client and one of the Collective Coaches, Sarah Cronin.

I’m so grateful for her trust over this last year and even more thankful she is willing to share some of her story with you. Sarah and I met through the Becoming an Enneagram Coach Launch. We connected working together through the 12 sessions of the Wholehearted Journey. 

[13:44] Sarah lives in Greenwood, Indiana. About 7 years ago, her sister-in-law shared the “new to her” personality test. Her sister-in-law is usually ahead of every trend so she thought she’d check it out. She listened to The Road Back to You via audiobook, and she remembers her jaw dropping when she heard her Type described. These words speaking about her internal world at such an accurate level was beyond what she was aware of herself! She cried, felt seen, known, and understood. She was given an awareness and insight about why she does what she does. It equipped her in work, marriage, and motherhood. She was in the throes of having babies and motherhood and also overwhelmed by the layers, types, and numbers of the Enneagram. She followed a few IG accounts and read a few books but that was the extent of her knowledge of the tool. 

About two years ago, she came to a “spiritual plateau.” She had been walking with Jesus for a really long time and had been checking off all the spiritual boxes. She was involved in church, read her Bible every day, but longed for a deeper relationship with Jesus. She enrolled in a two-year spiritual formation program where she learned about the connection between spiritual growth and emotional growth. We cannot grow deeper spiritually without growing deeper emotionally. She began to ask the Lord to take the lead through her emotional journey, desiring to pursue Him with her mind, body, heart, and soul. This is where the Enneagram came back around as a helpful tool to dive deeper into her motivations. This was the first step of integrating what was in her head into what was in her heart. She became increasingly aware of how influenced she was by what others thought of her and how others perceived her. She now had new clarity about the deepest desire of her heart: to be loved, valued, and cherished. The Lord showed her how strategies she adopted as a child such as helping others, giving to others, encouraging others were to get the love she desired. The combination of the Enneagram language, the structure it provides, and a surrendered heart can brings Psalm 139 to life! She didn’t need to look to others for significance. Oh the kindness of the Lord! Once He began to show her the misdirected efforts for love and acceptance, He gave her a fresh awareness that He is the only One that can fill that deep longing of her heart. That she is so beloved, not because of anything she has done, but because of who He is as her Father. When she believed this with her whole heart, she didn't have to defend herself when challenged by others, hiding behind a shield of “good intentions.” When she rests in how Christ meets her needs, she doesn’t have to be fearful of letting others down. The Enneagram has been a guide for when and where she’s not leaning on Christ and where she’s leaning on herself instead. It has shown her how God has created her as a unique reflection of His image. Because each type has a different desire that they are trying to attain, the Enneagram can be a launch pad for a personalized pathway to intimacy with God.

She knew she needed and wanted to be coached herself. We can only take others as far as we’ve gone ourselves. She wanted to become aware of her blindspots. What she didn’t expect was for Amy to gently identify places where she was still trying to solve for desire for love herself instead of relying on Christ. Amy has been a place of refuge pointing her back to the Father. Getting coached has spurred her on in her own journey as a Christ-follower. If you’re curious how the lens of your personality type affects your walk with the Lord or are longing for a fresh joy or deeper intimacy with Christ, she’d love to chat. When we not only know but experience the ways He meets the deepest desires of our hearts, there is new joy, peace, and hope ready to overwhelm and overflow in our lives.

Ephesians 3:17 “I pray that you be rooted and grounded in love, may you have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”

[23:35] Deanna Sudom closes the episode with a heartfelt prayer. 

Type 2 friend, this is Deanna Sudom. You have been created to reflect the love of God, what a picture and a call as you represent His love so naturally to a world that so desperately needs Him. You are some of the deepest nurturers, intuitive to the needs of others, sometimes to the detriment of your own. Thank you for how you pour out selfishly, with your whole hearts serving those around you. You are some of the best cheerleaders, connectors and companions for people.

Ephesians 5:1,2  is a good reminder where you need to be poured into before you go out and share love with the world. God is the one that gives you the fragrance you need  It says -  ‘Therefore, be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.’

Father, thank you for these sincere, generous, sacrificial ones that you love. Lord, I feel that you want to remind them that you are Love, the Creator of Love and it is meant for them too. Lord will you help them to receive this and fill up their tanks, overflowing into a reservoir. Father, show them how they are wanted and loved by You. The King of Glory, sees their needs and longs to meet them. Lord bring joy through their selfless acts and where there are underlying motives to do to get, bring them gently to the light and encourage them to submit them to you. Father I pray that you will protect their tender hearts, that you will give them wisdom like serpents and keep them innocent as doves. I pray that you will send them a Barnabas, the Encouragers Lord that will breathe your life and truth into the places in their hearts that have been or feel rejected, someone to affirm their worth in You. Father, bring discernment when they see a need to determine whether it is theirs to meet and bring contentment in the profound privilege of making a difference in people’s lives. Be their confidence, their courage and their endurance and reminders that you will go ahead of them and never leave, nor forsake them. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Amen! If you are an Enneagram Two, I hope you feel loved, wanted, and needed by praise and celebration of your personality in this episode. I’m guessing if you know a Two, they will appreciate that you’ve taken the time to learn more about how they view the world the way they do and that they are so much more than a number! Share this episode with them and a message about how you value their supportive and nurturing personality. 

The best is yet to come,

Episodes about the Enneagram Twos:

• Procrastination or Perfectionism? An Enneagram Two conversation with Andrea Fortenberry
• Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken | Guest Cindy Beall Enneagram Two
• Change the World One Gift at a Time | Enneagram Two Kelsey Waliszewski
• Love Me In the Waiting | Enneagram Type Two Krystal Ribble
• The Superpower Burden for the Enneagram Two
• Enneagram Twos | Thriving at Work and Home