Spring Series: What You Need to Know about the Enneagram One! | Jasmine Washington

Have you found yourself saying things like:

 "I should've just done it myself."

"It really bugs me that they do that, but I'm not sure of the right way to tell them."

"Am I dressed properly?"

"Can I do that over again?"

 If these aren’t something you would say, are these familiar phrases you hear said by a loved one? 

If so, you might be a One or know an Enneagram One. 

I would love to invite you to join me on a journey of self-discovery and compassion to learn insights about the personality type who might be known as the reformer, perfectionist, principled, and responsibility advocate.

And, if you know a One or want others to know more about the One personality Type, go ahead and follow that prompting to share this podcast with them. Just use this podcast platform’s share feature so this episode can give others an opportunity to learn more about the contributions of the Enneagram One. 

[1:08] Welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast!

[2:38] What do you need to know about Enneagram One?

Well, friend, we would need way more than the time you want to give in one sitting because the nuances of each Enneagram Type are as multifaceted as there are shades of Sherwin Williams paint color, but this episode will offer some highlights to help you understand more about the perspective of a One. 

As we continue this conversation, I want you to know that if you want specific Enneagram One resources, I’ve got you covered! You can head to the Show Notes for podcast recommendations and so much more. 

In this episode, I will share some unique traits and insights into this dutiful personality. Then, you’ll get a first-hand account of Enneagram One and her experience in the self-discovery and wholehearted process. Last, I want you to listen to the end because the lovely Deanna Sudom will finish this episode with a scripture and prayer specifically for you or your loved one!

[3:43] What does Enneagram One look like as a child? 

• Critical (of themselves and others).
• Hold back negative emotions.
• Very responsible.
• Focus on living up to expectations.

Many Enneagram Ones reflect that as children, they intuitively felt they would earn love from others through compliance and expectations stated by their caregivers. This would cause them to be submissive and guided by their inner critic. If their childhood home was constantly changing or had unpredictable expectations, this would create greater tension with a One’s inner fear of being intrinsically flawed. The One may have doubled down on their habit of attention to their inner-principled nature. If they follow their own unrealistic standards for goodness, they could avoid their fear of not being good enough. 

[4:59] What are some characteristics of Ones? 

They desire to be correct, have integrity, and achieve balance as a One continues to move through the world. They desire to improve themselves, others, and the world. They want to be consistent with ideals and beyond criticism so no one else can correct, criticize, or condemn them.

 [5:28] What strengths do the Enneagram Ones have?

The One's decision-making strength associates them with what is known as the Gut triad (Types 8, 9 and 1). They have a gut reaction immediately and then incorporate feelings or thinking afterward. They strongly desire justice, fairness, or control over the outcome. Their reaction when things are deemed unjust, unfair, or under someone else’s control will lead to their emotional response of anger.

[6:02] How do Ones deal with conflict and tension?

While One’s struggles with anger, this is typically turned inward and reinforces the inner critic is a relentless taskmaster. The One's anger is often repressed or saved for only those closest to them to be seen as good and right by the outside world. When the inner critic fails to be silenced and repression has been maxed, the anger spills out inconveniently - or what I like to say, it comes out sideways. Depression and melancholy may follow the out-of-control anger because a One fears being wrong and stuck in the anger/shame/anxiety cycle.

[6:53] What is the One’s communication style?

The Ones’ communication preference falls within the Dutiful stance in the Enneagram, which means they rely more on others' opinions and desires. They come alongside the ideas/visions of others or group thinking for resolution. Their strength is being present-focused. They tend to think, “What should be done right now?” This Stance may struggle most with the boundaries needed in relationships and the workplace.

This “Dutiful” term has tended to be one of confusion for those who lead dominantly as a Type 1. Because of their inner moral compass, they often suppress their opinions in order to not be the one creating disunity or disruption, but it is a lot more difficult for the One to come along dutifully even though it’s their natural inclination, which often leads to resentment.

[7:57] How does a One think?

When it comes to thinking, you might be surprised to learn that the One is thinking repressed. The reality is that they do think all the time, but it’s not productive thinking. Their constant inner critic (or mean girl) demands an answer. This thinking is often done silently so no one else can see the mess in your mind. The One counts this as thinking, but it’s not productive; it’s just an inner dialogue and can beat them down. What often triggers the One is the constant need to fix things and improve. Be it the mess in their home, their appearance, their family's behavior, poor grammar, and even moral lifestyle issues.

The One is invited to realize and be cognizant of their tendency to believe if it’s not 100% correct, then they or it is wrong and be willing to live in the middle space of even if they or the situation isn’t completely good or correct, it’s not all bad or hopelessly flawed. 

[9:32] How do Ones deal with grief and loss?

When faced with loss and grief, the One may naturally grieve what is happening currently, so in the face of loss, they may be overwhelmed with grief and have a challenging time with the typical demands of life, especially when making plans too far in the future. The narrative in the Dutiful Stance is just a feeling of overwhelm.

[9:59] What are the wings for an Enneagram 1?

Like all Enneagram Types, the One’s wings are on either side of its number on the diagram. The Enneagram 1w9 tends to be calmer, more relaxed, introverted, cerebral, impersonal, objective, and detached. The Enneagram 1w2 is more. They tend to be warmer, more helpful, critical, fiery, vocal, sensitive, action-oriented, and controlling.

 [10:39] What traits does an 1 take on when triggered and on the flip side, when they are practicing rhythms of stillness?

When a One’s triggers are activated, they may self-sabotage and engage the low side of the Four, becoming indignant that their expectations are not achieved by themselves and others. They become more melancholy and depressed and withdraw from others, which may inadvertently cut off good relationships.

[11:00] What happens when an Enneagram 1 consents to stillness?

When a One practices rhythms of consenting to stillness, it teaches restraint. In restraint, they can better discern what the Lord is compelling them to do - and opens the door to encounter Jesus, the True Reformer. 

Their broken-hearted moments are transformed into wholehearted healing as they declare these truth statements:

• May I be at ease.
• May I breathe deeply, releasing control.
• May I find freedom in rest. 

⁠Rest meets the deepest needs of the One who is in the Idealist Triad. This personality tends to be continually agitated, never satisfied, and often upset with themselves for failing. Rest shakes the proverbial first at Satan and declares your trust in God. As they rest in stillness, they can rediscover the simple pleasures of breathing. Let yourself off the hook for not always getting everything perfectly or your need to fix things around you.

[12:13] How can a One observe spiritual rhythms?

I love that AJ Sherril advises Enneagram Ones to observe the church calendar rhythm of Good Friday, called Tenebrae, which serves as a meaningful way to observe the crucifixion of Christ. Liturgical observance invites participants to snuff out their candles after the reading of the cross event to remember the significance of Jesus’s death on the cross. This can remind them that they do not have to carry their imperfections alone - Christ died for their sins too. 

[12:43] Here are three tips for an Enneagram 1 to remember!

In addition to spiritual rhythms, here are practical tips for a One to remember. 

• Pay attention to your patterns of dichotomy thinking - specifically the either/or right/wrong thinking. (There is a place in the middle. Those gray areas are real!)
• Use your feeling of resentment as a clue to anger or bitterness that you might be carrying. (It’s not wrong that you’re angry, acknowledge that anger, and give it to the Lord.)
• Practice gratitude for what is good and positive in everything - people, objects, and events . . .  even if it needs fixing or isn’t ideal. (There is something to be grateful for.)

[13:42] Let me introduce an Enneagram 1, my client, Jasmine Washington.

I’m so grateful for her trust over this last year and even more thankful she is willing to share some of her story with you. One fun thing to know about Jasmine is that she is a part of the Wholehearted Coaching Mentorship. I love her eagerness and desire to support her community but to also champion what Simply Wholehearted is about. 

[14:19] Jasmine Washington lives in Prosper, TX. Ever since she could remember, she was a good kid. If she made a mistake, you could bet she’d rarely make that mistake again. She’d watch her brothers get into trouble and think to herself “You should have known better!” If you don't study, you get bad grades. If you get bad grades, you lose privileges. It’s simple cause and effect. This paradigm shaped her thinking for years. If you do good things, good things will happen. If you do bad things, bad things will happen. To beat the system, you simply have to be and do good . . . perfect to be exact. She graduated high school and college with high grades. She acquired a good paying job, paid her bills, gave her tithe, and gave 110% at everything she did. Her paradigm worked. . . until it didn’t.

In a series of unfortunate events, God began to dismantle her belief that perfection was attainable. Like the Angry Birds game, God took a sling shot and took hits at the structure she built her life upon until it all came tumbling down. Hit #1 came in 2008 when upon driving home, she realized a man was following her, and he yelled for her to pull over. He tried to open her passenger door while hanging out his driver’s seat. Her car spun out, and she hit the cement barrier. Thankfully, she walked away from the accident with minor injuries. She had just come from helping a friend and this is what she got? Hit #2 came after her son started kindergarten, and he was diagnosed with ADHD. She asked what she did wrong during pregnancy to cause this to happen. Hit #3 came after she had come to terms with her son’s diagnosis and was pregnant with Baby #2. She vowed to do everything right during pregnancy (healthy diet, exercise, unmedicated birth)! Then her daughter had trouble with her eyelids closing  unintentionally, and she was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis. She questioned why God would allow this to happen after she did everything right and blamed herself. 

Fast forward to 2019, she was streaming If Lead, a Gospel-centered gathering for women trying to lead others to Jesus. The speaker, Beth McCord, started explaining about this new personality test called the Enneagram. She was intrigued because she’d never heard of a personality test intertwined with the Gospel. She didn’t do anything with her newfound knowledge until 2020. She could no longer handle life’s curveballs on her own, and she enlisted the help of a counselor. She was disappointed with life and discouraged. People pushed her buttons and did things she didn’t like. She would get angry, frustrated, and then the tears would come. As much as she wanted to deny it, the reality set in, no amount of energy she could muster would allow her to convince herself that she could love everyone always. God finally gave her a standard she could never meet, and it tore her up inside. She held onto her desire for perfection for so long that she didn’t know what to hold onto now that it was gone. Her counselor asked her to read The Road Back to You. Like any good student, she read about all of the types until she landed on Type 1. She breathed out a sigh of relief and inhaled acceptance. She finally felt like someone understood her and that this type was her down to the core. Knowing her personality type wasn’t a mistake but a reflection and yearning of God’s perfection. She felt seen and known. She couldn’t be perfect, but God is. She didn’t have to be. For so long, she didn’t understand her need for order. The Enneagram revealed the faulty foundation she had built her life on: perfection. She realized perfection was her idol, and she felt like she had to be good to earn God’s love and acceptance. The disappointment and discouragement she felt made sense, and she learned to give herself grace as God began reconstructing her life on His firm foundation.

She wanted to learn about herself and others. As she continued to research types, she decided she wanted to become a coach. She started her coaching business in June 2022. She was able to watch her coworkers' transformation by applying the Enneagram. In September 2022, she met Amy through the Wholehearted Enneagram Summit. With the help of Amy and the Collective, she learned about the nuances of her type. She now gets to help guide her clients through their own faith journeys. She looks forward to encouraging and equipping women as they move from religion to relationship.

[23:40] Deanna Sudom closes the episode with a heartfelt prayer. 

This is Deanna Sudom – Type 1 Friend – You are good! You reflect the goodness of God to this world. How you try to make this world better, striving to always improve what is before you. I have heard it said that it is like 1’s have seen the garden of Eden, and they spend their days trying to achieve that perfection again. Thank you for the order and solutions that you do bring. Thank you for your heart for justice and fairness in a world that needs this desperately.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 brings you direction as you desire for good and right, that can help to give grace over the gray spaces you don’t particularly love, when the messy middle presents. It says, “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Father, I sense you want to remind these precious 1’s that they reflect your goodness because of what you have done for them and that they do not have to create good on their own. As they rest in your goodness, the reflection will come as they are still and know that you are God. Help them see that you carry them, thank you that you do this, Father, imperfections and all. Lord, I pray that you will gently uproot any bitterness or resentment that has taken up residence in their hearts. Help them to remember as you say in Nehemiah, you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Show them how to rest and practice these parts of your character. In the instance of any inner critic spilling over, can you help to put a restraining order on their tongue, Father, and not let any unwholesome talk come out of their mouths, but only what is helpful and builds others up? Thank you for the way they live with integrity and tenacity, will you bring balance and build in the fun, Lord? Would you bring them release and deep breaths by having some fun, to laugh and be silly? To know that you have them and the world in Your hands, and it will all be ok. In Jesus’ name. Amen. 

Amen! If you are an Enneagram One, I hope you feel loved, seen, and blessed by this episode. I’m guessing if you know a One, they will appreciate that you’ve taken the time to learn more about how they view the world the way they do and that they are so much more than a number! Share this episode with them and a message about how you value their responsible nature and hard work to do things excellently! 

The best is yet to come,

Episodes about the Enneagram Ones:

Rhythms of Waiting 2023 | Guest Jen Michel Enneagram One

Rhythms in the Word 2023 | Guest Jessica Mathisen Enneagram One

Facing Imperfections and Criticisms | Guest Jodie Frye Enneagram One

The Emotional Struggle For An Enneagram Type One

Enneagram Ones | Thriving at Work and Home

Scripture As A Habit | Jen Pollock Michel Enneagram One

Grief and the Holidays | Enneagram One Jennifer James

Cheers to a Wholehearted You | Marjorie Poff Enneagram One

Tending to Your Soul | Part #1 with Author and Spiritual Director Tina Webb