Spring Series: What You Need to Know About the Enneagram Nine! | Hazel Wong

enneagram podcast type 9 Apr 19, 2023

Have you found yourself saying:

"Why do they get so worked up?"

"I'll take care of it tomorrow."

"The more they urge me to agree, the more I want to do the opposite."

“I’m not sure it’s worth the effort; it probably won’t make a difference.”

If these aren’t something you would say, are these familiar phrases you hear a loved one saying?

If so, you might be a Nine or know an Enneagram Nine.

I would love to invite you to join me on a journey of self-discovery and compassion to learn insights about the personality type often known as the peacemaker, the serenity seeker, the comfortable companion, or the conflict-avoider.

And, if you know a Nine or want others to know more about the Nine personality Type, go ahead and follow that prompting to share this podcast with them. Just use this podcast platform's share feature so this episode can give others an opportunity to learn more about the invaluable contributions of the Enneagram Nine.

[1:06] Welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast!

[2:37] What do you need to know about Enneagram Nine?

Well, friend, we would need way more than the time you want to give in one sitting because the nuances of each Enneagram Type are as unique as there are rooms in an IKEA store, but this episode will offer some highlights to help you understand more about the perspective of a Nine.

As we dive in, I want you to know that if you want more Enneagram or specific Enneagram Nine resources, I’ve got you covered! You can head to the Show Notes for podcast recommendations and so much more!

[3:21] What can I expect in this podcast episode?

I will share some unique traits and insights into this easy-going personality. Then, you’ll get a first-hand account of an Enneagram Nine and her experience of self-discovery and the wholehearted process. Lastly, I want you to listen to the end because Wholehearted Collective Coach, Deanna Sudom, will finish this episode with a Scripture and prayer specifically for you or your loved one!

[3:50] What does Enneagram Nine look like as a child?

They tend to be well-behaved, conflict-avoidant children.
They may tune out, especially if the home feels extra chaotic or loud.
They may sometimes feel ignored, especially if they have other siblings.
They enjoy being included in a small group of peers and prefer that over large groups.

[4:36] What are some characteristics of Nines?

The Nines begin their way in the world with a natural capacity to be intuitive to others’ viewpoints, but this often forms the habit of minimizing their own desires, opinions, and even self-compassion. Over time, they may have learned to express love and hold space for others at the expense of inner peace, which may have led to unconscious or repressed resentment and anger. Eventually, a Nine’s default is to resist expressing themselves, including their irritations, because they fear it is not loving.

[5:07] How do Nines deal with conflict and tension?

They desire to maintain peace, internally and externally, as they continue to move through the world. They prefer to preserve things as they are to avoid conflicts and tension. This may lead them to merge with others, ignore their true feelings, opinions, or even conflict that needs to be resolved. These behaviors are often at odds with their fear of being overlooked, shut out, or in a relationship full of strife.

[5:40] What Triad are Nines associated with?

The Nine's decision-making strength associates them with what is known as the Gut Triad (Types 8, 9, and 1). They often have a gut reaction immediately (or a visceral response) and then incorporate feelings or thinking afterward. They strongly desire justice, fairness, or control over the outcome. Their reaction when things are deemed unjust, unfair, or under someone else’s control will lead to their emotional struggle of anger.

The Nine’s struggle with anger seems to be incongruent with the name “peacekeeper”, and this is because a Nine will typically deny or numb their anger. They will typically choose to avoid conflicts, pacify them, or ignore them altogether. But their anger may erupt like a volcano when they’ve been imposed upon for too long or denied their frustration.

[6:37] What is a Nine's communication style?

The Nine’s communication preference falls within the Withdrawing Stance in the Enneagram, which means their strength is in being mindful of the past. They tend to think, “What should I have done differently? They are likely to dwell on what caused them unrest or disunity with others. This can lead them to tune out and daydream instead of engaging in the present, which needs their focus attention.

When it comes to getting their inertia or momentum going, it’s essential to understand that the Nine is “doing” repressed. While this might seem insulting at first glance, they are “doing” all the time and even writing lots of lists, but frequently they are working from the middle or even the bottom of the list, which tends to create frustration.

[7:28] How do Nines deal with grief and loss?

The Nine’s must be cognizant of their tendency to label their current situation as chaos and strife just because it’s not totally calm or slightly disagreeable. The invitation is to actively create a solution by way of voicing their opinion and offering possibilities.

When faced with loss and grief, the Nine may naturally grieve what has happened in the past, so in the face of loss, they may experience delayed grief, but later on when they have space and time to reflect, they may be surprised or catch others off guard by grief that could happen even months later.

[8:20] What are the wings for an Enneagram Nine?

Like all Enneagram Types, the Nine’s wings are on either side of its number on the diagram. The Enneagram 9w8’s are often more outgoing, assertive, anti-authoritarian, and may vacillate between being confrontational and resisting confrontation. The Enneagram 9w1 is more introverted, orderly, idealistic, critical of themselves, emotionally controlled, focused, cerebral, and compliant.

[8:53] What traits does a Nine take on when triggered, and on the flip side, when they are practicing rhythms of stillness?

When a Nine’s triggers are activated, they may self-sabotage and engage the low side of the Six, becoming testy, anxious, and worried. Mild-mannered Nines, hide in busy work to distract themselves and may even become forceful with their opinions and inadvertently push others away.

When a Nine practices rhythms of engaging stillness, it teaches restraint, which may seem opposite of what a Nine needs. In restraint, they can discern what the Lord is compelling them to do - no longer allowing the pursuit of idealistic harmony to feed the lies they believe about not being valuable or not mattering to those around them.

⁠When a Nine deliberately consents to stillness, they discover their true intention and what emotions lie beneath the surface. It is in stillness that they then can acknowledge their desire to make a difference and encounter Jesus, the True Peacemaker. As they engage in the presence of God, they receive the truth that their presence matters to our Heavenly Father. Their broken-hearted moments are transformed into wholehearted healing as they declare and believe these truth statements:

May I be present.
May I own my value.
May my inner peace be the difference maker.

[10:21] How can a Nine observe spiritual rhythms?

I love that AJ Sherril advises Enneagram Nines to observe the spiritual rhythm of fixed hours of prayer or also known traditionally as the Liturgy of the Hours. Whether this looks like a set hour at three significant time markers of the day or whatever works for your schedule, this is the specific upstream practice to transform their tendency of slothfulness to action.

In addition to spiritual rhythms, here are practical tips for a Nine to remember.

Express your needs directly instead of waiting to be asked. (No passive aggressive behavior!)
Be intentional with your priorities by focusing on your top three essential tasks each day and building in accountability and rewards when you accomplish them.
Practice declaring your opinion, even if it seems silly or insignificant; this exercises the belief that your presence matters.

[11:28] Let me introduce one of my clients, Hazel Wong, an Enneagram Nine.

I’m so grateful we got to meet in 2021. In fact, our meeting via email itself was such a marker of growth specific to an Enneagram Nine! I have an Enneagram Guide for moms, and it’s one of my “product babies” that I’m super proud of. Hazel was one of the first people to download the guide. She was so excited to dive in, but as she was reading about the Enneagram Nine, something didn’t look quite right. She realized that what she was reading about mothering as a Type Nine was very similar to mothering as a Type Eight. She emailed me with kindness and let me know about my glaring error. I was horrified at this oversight on my part. It was the wrong version! I was so grateful for Hazel at that moment! She did a self-paced DIY coaching program and decided to get her certification as an Enneagram Coach!

[15:07] Hazel Wong lives in Hong Kong with her husband and two kids, ages 10 and 7. She first heard about the Enneagram when she was in college, but didn’t think much about it. Hazel thought about how the Myers-Briggs personality test has 16 types and doesn’t fully capture all the nuances of an individual’s personality, so how would the Enneagram, with only 9 types, be enough? Fast forward to 2019, and she came across Amy’s Wholehearted Coaching in a Christian publisher’s newsletter. Hazel was interested in learning about herself and how the Enneagram could be interpreted from a Christian perspective. She took the test and her results revealed that she was a Type Nine. Upon further research and study, she was confident that she had landed on her type. The description of her type gave her vocabulary and a new understanding behind her motivations and the lies she believed in. It was a mixed feeling of finding comfort in being understood and feeling shame in being exposed. Some of the behaviors she had adopted throughout the years, which she couldn’t even explain to her husband, suddenly made sense through the light of the Enneagram! Things like avoiding saying no to invitations or requests, procrastinating, and not giving due credit to herself.

She started taking online courses to learn about her type and the Enneagram in general. She also read Marilyn Vancil’s book: Self to Lose Self to Find. She never considered working with an Enneagram Coach as she didn’t know what to expect. (Plus she reasoned that she lived too far away and the time difference wouldn’t work for her.) Then she met Amy virtually. Through the Wholehearted Enneagram Summit in 2021, Hazel found out Amy offered an online DIY coaching program with video recordings and access to Amy through email and Voxer. Amy’s endearing personality was hard not to like! She took the plunge and started working with her. While working with Amy, Hazel was able to work through the issues she was facing at work and with a colleague. She gained clarity that she wouldn’t have otherwise been able to see without someone working alongside her. I guess it’s true what they say: “You can’t read the label from inside the bottle.” Coaching gave her new perspectives and helped her process what was really bothering her. It forced Hazel to vocalize her thoughts, even though as a Nine, she has difficulty speaking for herself. While she still sometimes struggles with work and career issues, she now has a healthy perspective of the relationship with that colleague and an awareness of the internal boundaries she has put in place.

Growth is a process. Sometimes painful for comfort-loving Nines. She is learning to be patient with herself and lean on God instead of on her own strength. He is the One who transforms. Because of all the growth she gained from coaching, Hazel became certified as an Enneagram Coach. She’s applying the knowledge and tools she has learned in leading youth fellowship in church.

[18:58] Deanna Sudom closes the episode with a heartfelt prayer.

Type 9 friend, your presence matters, you have been given space in this world. God does not make mistakes. You are needed, your voice is powerful in the Kingdom of God. Thank you for reflecting the peace of God. It says in Romans 12:16 to “live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.” These are the things your heart desires. Your ability to see things from many perspectives helps you be a safe space for many, but I sense that He wants to speak peace into your spirit, to remind you that suffering, disruption, or pain does not remove His ultimate peace, and so remember this from Romans 8:18, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

Father, thank you for these peacemakers, these creators of harmony, and holders of space. Lord, I ask that in the many places you call them to be supportive, they will be surrounded with the people needed to hold up their arms when they are weary, just as Aaron and Hur did for Moses to win the battle when he was tired. Let them bring the rock for our friend to sit on and be held up ultimately by you, Lord. God, thank you for the way that they enjoy the simple pleasures in life, the way they show us how to find joy in small things. Help their independence shine, Lord, to be a beacon in what you have given them to share with the world and not to shrink back and hide in the shadows. Lord, help them be confident and bold in conflict, knowing that you are their voice, and they can trust you in this space that may be uncomfortable. Create a space in their world that can be free from drama, friends that will walk with them and be an outlet that is safe. Make known to them your ways, O Lord, teach them your paths Father. We ask you to cover them, Jehovah Shalom. Prince of Peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

If you are an Enneagram Nine, I hope you feel loved, seen, and blessed by this episode. I’m guessing if you know a Nine, they will appreciate that you’ve taken the time to learn more about how they view the world, the way they do, and that they are so much more than a number! Share this episode with them and a message about how you value their serene and generous spirit.

The best is yet to come,

Episodes about the Enneagram Nine:

Spring Series: What You Need to Know About the Enneagram Nine! | Hazel Wong

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