I Remember: Reflections from Poland

A personal reflection by Amy Wicks

"Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them." Deuteronomy 4:9

There is something sacred about the act of remembering. Not the sanitized, highlight-reel kind. but the honest, embodied kind. The kind that holds both the beauty and the weight of what you witnessed and lets it form you.

This month, I traveled with my daughter Haydee's senior class to Poland, partnering with Proem Ministries for a mission trip I had hoped for, wrestled with, and almost talked myself out of. These are my "I remember" reflections (slightly polished, but true) and are still forming me.

I remember feeling so grateful when Haydee said yes to the senior Poland trip.

I remember the delight (and the trepidation) when she asked me to be a parent chaperone. So much time away. So much money. It had been a long-held desire, but was God really saying yes?

I remember holding open hands and offering a hopeful yes, donating the $1,400 for a ticket to an adventure I couldn't yet envision.

I remember how hard it was to comprehend a trip so far off, in a place so far away. Would God keep the door open? Could the Lord provide for the unexpected increase?

My "yes" was already a strreeeeetch.

Could I trust Him to cover even more? Including the gap of time away?

I remember having one foot in and one foot out. A divided heart of competing desires.

Could God cover so much time away? Was it irresponsible to keep saying yes to what I wanted? But what if this desire was His desire… AND my yes was simply joining His good plan?

I remember having margin instead of panic in preparation, so unlike the dread I had for months.

I remember looking at my travel companions, wondering what we'd have in common.

I remember how surreal it felt to be on a plane headed toward something I couldn't imagine or picture. Why didn't I do more research?

I remember how grateful I was to sit next to Haydee on that long transcontinental flight, and still afraid of what the sleep deprivation & exhaustion might do to me.

I remember how grace showed up anyway. His strength was made perfect in weakness. Daily bread was enough.

I remember putting feet on Polish ground for the first time and being filled with curiosity about a people who had barely been a footnote in my study of history.

I remember being amazed by the Polish resilient spirit. Indeed, they are a people who experienced wave after wave of oppression and destruction, yet rebuilt time and time again.

I remember the landscape's uniqueness: white spruce standing tall above the land, stretching upward as if reflecting the spirit of a people who refused to be made afraid.

I remember the campground being a refreshing and surprising sight for all of us.

I remember all the delicious food I couldn't eat… yet all the ways our hosts & friends made sure to locate gluten-free rolls, Polish pistachios, and authentic Kielbasa.

I remember traveling with strangers, and by the end, calling them friends.

I remember purposing to protect time for coffee with Jesus, because without it, without Him, I would feel utterly depleted.

I remember worship in different languages and feeling more excited about heaven than I had in a long time.

I remember listening to Maui’s passion (PROEM’s founder) and wanting to know so much more. I remember thinking: he is the exact age as my dad … and what a different legacy.

I remember the youth night and dancing for Jesus, just as I had done decades before. 

I remember feeling a deep yearning – for more of this, whatever this was – though I couldn't quite name it yet.

I remember being completely out of my element in every school visit, and yet it all came back to me: conversation is a blessing, and curiosity is a gift. Give openly and freely without holding back.

I remember each school being so different, yet the desire within each student felt the same: to be seen, to connect, to matter.

I remember feeling the pull of work responsibilities back home, and how, in the end, most of it was okay without me.

I remember being afraid of the tiredness and emotion I would feel as we approached Auschwitz.

I remember it being worse than I expected, standing in the back of the crowd, holding back the ugly cry, yet knowing God was joining me. The tears depleted me, but they did not destroy me. 

God whispered that He received it as an offering. My sorrow honors the suffering and sacrifice of those who came before me.

I remember having more questions than energy or time allowed. I wonder still: Will I let those questions be held when all of life feels loud again?

I remember the surprise and delight of the hotel in Kraków, so much beauty and luxury for a weary body.

I remember wanting to sit longer, but the pull of a new city to be discovered overcame me.

Kraków is a place I want to return to: the city square, the shops, the castle, and the Da Vinci I didn't have time to see.

I remember the all-too-short cathedral tour, overwhelming and breathtaking, all at once.

I remember the missed train ride and then saying yes to the tattoo I didn't think would really happen. Haydee’s sheer delight, the meaning behind it all. Perhaps the most memorable souvenir I’ve gotten yet!

I remember the most uncomfortable overnight train ride, and the six of us, cramped together, choosing laughter over tears, trusting that His grace would somehow be sufficient.

I remember arriving in Prague and sensing something different… “Lord, what do you have for us here?”

I remember praying through the streets and desiring revival for the people of this city.

I remember the gluten-free fries I practically inhaled, the roasted octopus I didn't eat, and the delightful smells of funnel cake ice cream, which my new friends are planning to introduce to the States.

I remember the clocks and the spires, the bridge, the Jewish quarter, and how quickly our final hours were ticking.

I remember the leisurely hotel breakfast: espresso, bacon, and honey straight from the comb.

I remember hearing the joy over a daughter's upcoming wedding and feeling a quiet, hopeful longing to one day experience the same about adding to the family. 

I remember FaceTiming my crew back home because I couldn't stand it any longer. Hunger and exhaustion made the tears spill over.

I remember soaking in one full night's sleep, knowing it would all be over soon.

I remember feeling torn. Sad the adventure was ending, but curious what God would carry forward from it.

But most of all, I remember how Haydee chose me to experience this with her and some of her favorite people. How she was radiant: full of service, gratitude, awe, and wonder.

And now I remember how this trip was exactly what God had for me: to keep seeing what His redemption era looks like, with me, through me, and for me.

Your turn: an "I remember" reflection

1. What is a desire you held for a long time before God finally said yes, or before you said yes to Him?
2. Where have you had "one foot in and one foot out"? What would a wholehearted yes look like?
3. What experience, trip, or season are you at risk of forgetting? What do you remember?
4. Sit with your own "I remember" for a few minutes. Write what surfaces. You don't need complete thoughts. Just begin.